Storm Structure...

I've been reading, or rather, re-reading, a book by Natalie Goldberg called Thunder and Lightening. Go figure, it's a book about writing, and surprisingly, a book mostly about writing fiction and her struggles with it.

Most appropriately, I'm reading it during the spring storm season. The biggest storms come when organized systems crash into each other. That's something to ponder for a while when it comes to putting conflict in fiction.

One thing Ms. Goldberg talks about in this book is the need for structure in fiction. And though she briefly talks about outlines and her inability to use them, she does talk about her laissez-faire upbringing and her innate need for structure growing up that led to her study of Buddhism. Her mother was strictly hands off and uninvolved, not the typical Jewish mother. I thought it rather ironic myself that a Jewish woman would grow up to seek structure in Zen. But her past displayed the structure of Judaism, (and most likely Christianity) as something imposed from the outside and not organic, coming from within. Goldberg attributes the seventies' growth in the Eastern religions as part of the desire of that generation for an inner structure.

I think we all desire that inner structure. The church I go to, after struggling with "issues" has dealt with the problem by imposing outer structure. Issues? Ok, it struggles with sex. The problem of outer structure is that the rules and rituals themselves can easily become the very methods of heaven. Because the act of doing, of following the rules, can make the follower feel "clean." Like the very act of stepping through the door of a church could save. Which, I guess it could, if that's the best you could do faithwise.

Legalism grows in the the soil of desire for structure. Part of our church's "structure" is understanding. You must have understanding to be saved. Belief, sure, but understanding? Can you be truly "saved" in the evangelical sense and not have a clue to what you are saved from or by? Some can never wrap their brains around the theology, does that preclude them from heaven? Maybe this is where God uses the "foolish things" to confound the wise. Can "so great a salvation" be readily explained in four easy steps? And if it can, is it that great?? If you don't/can't understand, does that mean you're not?

Like the famous Kennedy Questions. If you die tonight, how sure are you that you'll go to heaven? 50%? 99 96/100's? According to theology, you can and should be one hundred percent sure. There's scripture to back that up, of course. It ignores the section where Jesus talks about people who will be surprised and say Lord Lord, and Jesus tells them He never knew them. Where are the percentages here?

Is it possible to doubt theology without doubting Christ? I sure hope so. But I feel in some way that those around me are trying to box Jesus in, contain Him, control Him, by understanding. As if, a while back, we let Jesus get out of control and bad things happened. It's a fine line between freedom and license and too easy to cross. Back away from the canyon. There's no protective barrier, unless you build your own.

So, that's what churches do. They put up a wall and a border patrol they are comfortable with. But a life lived in fear of sin is awfully small and tight. Growth is restricted by structure, rather than guided by it. Outer imposed structure stunts. Inner structure, guides. And God wrote, "I will write My Law on their hearts..." Sounds like inner structure is His choice as well...