Don't know if I've posted it before. It's been out looking for a satire home, but is still homeless, so here's a place.
Email, Emote, Elope
Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 13:14:51 -0500
From: clueless@mynet.net
To: Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com
Subject: Re: Amazing Results...Make her happy tonight!
Dear Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com:
Thank you so much for your generous offer. While I personally do not have a penis myself, it is good to know that if I did, enhancing it would be both discreet and affordable. I rest easier at night knowing that you are out there rounding up affordable solutions for common people. At last, massive growth is no longer for the rich and elite.
Sincerely,
Trish Carson
Date: Thu, 9 Jul 2004 11:32:51 -0500
From: clueless@mynet.net
To: Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com
Subject: Re: Amazing Results...Make her happy tonight!
Dear Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com:
My goodness, you are a persistent one, aren’t you? Unfortunately, I still have not obtained a penis and cannot take advantage of this incredible offer for affordable herbal penile enlargement. However, with your kind permission, I have forwarded your timely offer to a transgendered friend of mine, Jerry. Jerry used to be Jeri, but discovered through an on-line therapy group that she was actually a man trapped in a women’s body. It was quite a revelation, to say the least. She thought she simply suffered from a mild seasonal depression. Apparently, her maleness had been suppressed for all these years. Her husband of 30 years was also shocked, as were her six children. But with her new life as a man, Jerry has no real income at the moment and cannot afford the usual surgery for people in that situation. Perhaps your product can help Jerry achieve his maximum manhood.
Sincerely,
Trish Carson.
Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2004 13:14:51 -0500
From: clueless@mynet.net
To: iksrhksjdfkjet@bigstuff.com
Subject: Re: Amazing Results...Make her happy tonight!
Dear Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com:
I received the most interesting email. You will be delighted to know that my friend Jerry has purchased your penile enlargement product and is reporting excellent results! I will be honest and say that I have not seen the “patient” with my own eyes, but Jerry told me that he can now urinate while standing and feels a strong desire to belch during football games. Not to mention a “warm tingly feeling” when the camera pans to those scantily clad cheerleaders. Jerry’s ex-husband, Butch, is beside himself with grief. He apparently feels his manhood threatened by his former wife’s new size and potency, but again, I am only telling you this second hand. I have no way of comparing the two, as Jerry has been pretty scarce as of late, roaming nightclubs and all. I have had my hands full comforting Butch and helping him with those six poor motherless children. Butch’s lawyer insists he should sue the on-line therapy group, but you know how the internet works... no accountability and ever-changing domain names. In fact, I noticed that the latest email I received from you was not from Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com at all but from a Mr. iksrhksjdfkjet@bigstuff.com, but I recognized the graphics and immediately knew it had to be you. You have quite a distinct way with words, but you probably know that.
Thank you for all the good you are doing in this horrible situation and your continued support,
Trish Carson
Date: Sat, 24 Jul 2004 13:14:51 -0500
From: < clueless@mynet.net >
To: < iksrhksjdfkjet@bigstuff.com >
Subject: Re: Amazing Results...Make her happy tonight!
Dear Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com:
I am sorry that this has to be an email, but I have no proper physical address for you. Butch and I would like to invite you to our wedding on August 6th, 2004, at 3:00 in the afternoon at the City Hall here in Peabody, Oklahoma. I would just be delighted if you could come be a part of this celebration.
With Kind Regards,
Trish Carson
Date: Wed, 8 Sept 2004 13:21:41 -0500
From: < clueless@mynet.net >
To: < iksrhksjdfkjet@bigstuff.com >
Subject: Re: Amazing Results...Make her happy tonight!
Dear Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com:
Thank you so much of thinking of me once again. Your offer for on-line marriage counseling has come at a most opportune time. Jerry stopped using your remarkable product and began insisting that he is Jeri once again. This has caused much emotional anguish for poor Butch. One of his daughters has even gone so far as to accuse me of pushing Jeri to the original therapy group and breaking up her parents' marriage. Of course, I assured her that I was only trying to be a good friend and help Jerry find his true self. I also spoke in your defense as well, that you were only making sure all people had access to the available modern medical miracles. Jerry is currently institutionalized after an unfortunate accident with some herbal sleeping aids that you offered in last month's Healthy Pharmaceutical Newsletter, so the marriage counseling will be just the ticket to help Butch remember why he married me in the first place. I am just so glad that I have a friend in you who is there to support and equip me to help Butch through this temporary crisis.
Sincerely,
Trish Carson-Butterworth
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 13:04:11 -0500
From: < clueless@mynet.net >
To: < iksrhksjdfkjet@bigstuff.com >
Subject: Re: Amazing Results...Make her happy tonight!
Dear Mr. Dodfrjjkhjkfh@ezmail.com:
Thank you so much for your kind offer for herbal breast enlargement products. I was quite surprised to get an email from you on that particular product because I had breast reduction surgery 17 years ago due to the excruciating pain of my 56EEE’s. Butch assures me that the surgeons left plenty behind, so I will not need that particular product. I did want to ask you though, would it be possible to slip the herbal penile enlargement product in, say, a gentleman’s beer, and make it so he wouldn’t taste the difference?
Trish.
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